Kafkaescence

Sorry, I'm too awe-struck to reply at the moment.

Although I like the way you describe the fear, my experience tells me that metaphors and similes give the best descriptions. There are many that can be associated with fear, ...

This is an interesting poem. The way you broke up the lines was very unique, and really seemed to fit with the story you tell. I have one critique. It ...

It is interesting how you present this poem. I have some suggestions. Though you do a fairly good job of making the lines rhyme, I would just get rid of ...

If you're trying to tell the story from a "teenage girl" point of view, I think you're overdoing it. The biggest error I found throughout the piece is your habitual ...

They emerge. They unfold. They see. The innocence. And then they live. They watch. They mimic. They experiment. The observationalist. And then they learn. They analyze. They ask. They realize. ...

I liked the content of this poem. For such a deep subject, I think that you could have gone just a bit deeper, in the word choice specifically, although there ...

Yes, it's the writing that ultimately counts. :)

Actually, this isn't bad for your first time. I can tell you that joining YWS was probably the best step you'll ever take in that direction. I'll cut right to ...

Oooo...very creepy.... This is a great poem. The rhyming puts a nice, kind of informal touch to it that you don't see too much of hear. It is creative, funny, ...

Wow. Okay. Lots of red marks here, but don't get demotivated. The idea was very nice, if not pleasant, and I'm guessing this "Eric" will have a role to play ...

Okay. I'll start off saying that this story has potential, and I like imagining the possibilities for future chapters. Keep writing, you've got me hooked. That said, I have some ...

Okay. Hopefully you'll forgive me if I'm too critical. Like foot prints in the snow, making are print in the endless abyss, Try instead "Marking our trail in the...." we ...

I'll cut straight to the chase. The first stanza is good. I have one suggestion for the second: That you held me in your arms And told me you loved ...

Personally, I would stick with the long hair, but, me being a boy, I wouldn't know too much about this subject. Other than this, the writing is great. I only ...