Kafkaescence

Interesting, I guess. Here's my issues. The rhythm. It's so halted. The lines in this do not flow into each other like they should. Some lines do stand out individually: ...

So. Still developing. Huh. But that's my problem. I've read three chapters so far and I don't even know the problem. I'm a somewhat resilient reader, so I am not ...

Lol. Annie. Very deep. When dawn came, she leapt from the nighttime stars to the faint daymoon, Much too long. dancing on dust to a place she felt like she ...

I hope you feel welcome here. My name's Kafka, but you can call me Awesome if you like. Since you're new, you can always ask me any questions about the ...

What is death? Is it being born into a new life? To start over and over again once you've completed it full circle? Ugh. Too long. And "it" should be ...

I'm just going to base this extreme change in voice on the fact that between chapter one and two, many events have occurred that, apparently, changed the way she thinks ...

Interesting. So this chapter exists mainly for character development purposes, I presume? Huh. I liked it. So. There were no blaring spelling or grammatical errors, so I'll move onto my ...

Here I am. This won't be too long, I'm thinking. Nitpicks. As she chewed her bottom lip nervously, she never took her large, brown eyes off her wardrobe. Second time ...

She was the cracked ceramic tucked in the corners of This flows well. Or it would, without that "tucked" thrown in there. Say "ceramic tucked" out loud. Does it sound ...

Around the bends, sweeping through vexexex -ations, a shadow/y influx of air/current/shaft of light and x-ray, radiate, radiates, radiations and quasars breaking the cosmic ∞ map and horizons in (?)

I’m walking from this dream. "Walking from" sounds unfinished. I'd say "walking away from. It’s too painful to remember, Don't think you need this comma. It complicates things. Aim for ...

Now I'm jealous. You got a review from Nate. You truly must be Superman.

It's raining, So I'll stay inside, and write of the world external, Not a huge fan of the noticeable difference in size between those last two lines. Maybe if you ...

Tsk. I resent that, Wp. You cannot call all fantasy lovers geeks or nerds. Stereotyping is unhealthy for the cerebral cortex. Mystery lovers are geeks :wink:

So, let me just say right off the bat that I haven't read any of the other review(s), so I apologize for any redundancies. Okay. I liked this. You've got ...