Kafkaescence

VALLEYRUINS.jpg The darkness choked me. I could feel the air being squeezed from my burning lungs. Each breath scorched my lips, dripped from my mouth like acid. Each blink stabbed ...

Call me Kafka. Or K/E. Or Cafe. Or any other name they call me here. Sounds great! I can't wait to read what you've got. I have this annoying habit ...

You're right. This is short. I have one little nitpick for you to chew on. I was so proud when he proved me wrong. First you have the "she" at ...

Interesting. Here are my nitpicks: The ultimate gift to show ones love, "Ones" should be possessive: "one's." Be the one to whom you uncover your lies. "Uncover" isn't the right ...

There's a black where there should be a beat, Huh? Clear up this wording a little. Eating all my feelings, emotions... I really don't like this ellipsis. Especially since it's ...

So. This was... intriguing, I suppose. But. Here's what I noticed. In numerous places, your wording was pretty weird. I understand that some of it could have to do with ...

This lacks rhythm. I like the subject (very original, good job) and I like...well, I guess I'm not sure about how you repeated the last word of a stanza at ...

She floats off the ground like a fairy, Uh, how does that work? and moves through the air like a feather, she shines in the sky like a rainbow, Ugh. ...

Okay, my first impression is that this poem drags on for much too long. You've got the feeling, but you don't need a full nine stanzas to establish it. Especially ...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. About half of this poem says absolutely nothing. When I found you, I found a new me. A me that I had, Been unable to see. ...

Firstly, I'd fix up the formatting. It's a lot easier to read when you don't have a space between every line. Now. My main problem lies with the first stanza. ...

Death is such a one-sided argument. Death is an argument? We have no say, no choice in when to die. You don't have to tell me things I already know. ...

Donedonedone.

As requested. I suppose it will suffice to say that this was interesting. Very Kafkaesque, in a way. But, then again, it is very different from anything he wrote. Unless ...

Were you taking this poem seriously when you wrote it? I hope not. This isn't original at all. It's just another "omg I luv u y cant u be mine" ...