KJ

NITPICKS: The cooling wind swings briefly [Wind doesn't really swing, in my mind. More like flows, flies, blows, you know? Reword] in the humid, July air. As a spotless, [Odd ...

Honestly, it just has too much of a history-lesson feeling to me. It's all telling. There's no dialogue, no setting. Sure, there's plot and characters. But nothing about them calls ...

Hello, MAri0O07. Whew, this is messy. I don't normally do this, but I just wanted to make a suggestion in hopes that you'll get more reviews: Capitalize. It looks sloppy ...

NITPICKS: I peered out slowly [I'm being really nitpicky here, I'll admit, but I don't like the use of the word slowly . A hook is crucial for a piece, ...

Wow, this turned out to be hard to write :? It's pretty rough, as you'll see. Just... tear it apart, please? I need as much help as I can get ...

Just a couple observations I wanted to give you. Or maybe a few. Guess we'll see. One, you say your MC's name too much. We know who is is now, ...

NITPICKS: “Because you find my face weird?” she asked. “No, not at all. Or at least I don't think so.” “Well that’s one I’ve never been. Why don’t you sit ...

Did I say the last chapter was insane? Well, you haven't seen anything yet. Tell me what you think... is it too out there? Chapter Seven For a moment all ...

NITPICKS: Hannie and I lag behind, walking in an awkward silence. Hannie is my best friend besides Brinn and I hate arguing with her. We don’t argue much, but when ...

NITPICKS: I can't explain how time can be so...fragile and fast. Two things. One, there should be a space after the ellipsis. And two, I hate the use of the ...

So this is where things start to get insane. I think this is one of the hugest twists one of my stories has ever taken, and what I want to ...

It's way too big, in my opinion. And I feel kind of ripped off considering the fact that we can't see the whole animal. I would enjoy this way more ...

It's longer, but I thought you guys might like that fact. Right? Right? :P Chapter Five When I woke up it was raining. The storm lashed against the window in ...

I haven’t seen her In days. I see her shadow. I see her eyes, Empty, Broken. But she is gone. Pro tem. It may be just me - I don't ...

I know I already reviewed, but I had to point something out that the previous reviewer stated: “Right. You’re what, 9 or 10? You’re a big girl now?” he questions ...