KJ

The dialogue was good, and pretty deep. It made me think, and I liked that. The plot, what we've seen of it, is interesting and not dull--a plus. I guess ...

This seems like it would belong more in the Poetry. Not in Other Fiction. It was creative and thoughtful, and I liked it, however. If you really want this to ...

Okay, first of all I know that you wrote this a really really long time ago and you probably have no intention of even going back and fixing this, but ...

In the doorway, time stood still. Embraced and lost, it mourns the obvious. The teeth and the hate, pour out everything felt. Regret, tension, light rays and taps. An explosion ...

I still remain firm when I say that I think you should leave it at the first part. The rest of these take away from the story and just prolong ...

*Note* Wrote this a long time ago. Time was slow, the days dragged on, life felt like a big chess game, and I was just a pawn. I moved without ...

I didn't think your hook was that great. Nothing struck me about it. There was nothing original. You have a good writing style, and the rest was interesting, but I ...

I didn't like the point of view you told the story from, but the rest was okay. I felt bad for the weepy writer and felt the guy's anger. The ...

This sounds like a poem, to tell you the truth. It's written in a way that is fast and confusing and no one knows what's going on, also. Creative, and ...

I didn't have any problems with the showing-rather-than-telling thing. Some pieces are like that, and who wants theirs to be the same as everyone else's? The only thing that did ...

Chapter Three "Where is she?" Rebecca jumped when her father's booming voice filled the air. Lauren and Madelaine both looked up from the net they were mending. Rebecca gathered her ...

and the rest is time in the morn This line doesn't feel right. You meant "morn" as in "morning", right? he queen raises her hand The queen raises her hand. ...

Very... full of humor. Was this supposed to be a story? Because, no offense, I felt like it was just something randomly thrown together with no thought process at all. ...

I think that you should have left it at Part 1. That ended the story in a way that felt better to me. This addition just kind of ruined the ...

“I love you…keep some sleep.” You meant "get some sleep", right? And Fledgling was right. This is too mature, and advanced a vocabulary, for a five-year-old. Maybe you should try ...