KJ

Wow, this was pretty good. I liked it. Very action-filled and well-written. I have nothing bad to say, so nice writing. Oh, by the way, my favorite line was when ...

Very prettily written. Your plot build-up is excellent, too.

It was okay. I liked your details and surrounding descriptions. I also liked the mysterious quality to it, used a lot or not. I don't really have anything negative to ...

I think it was okay. Your paragraphs and spacing needs some work. But as for your MC, we don't really know who she is. Okay, she's in dance, and it ...

Hey Ash. I have the honor of being your first critique, so allow me to begin... The two boys arrived at the middle school with three minutes to spare. They ...

I don't understand why the kids were making such a big deal about her sitting beside him. Was she dared to the day before or something? And what age are ...

Anytime.

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.” Freda grumbled, pushing her big sister away and running to stuff her feet into her shoes Would be better as something like, "Ugh, you're so annoying," ...

Really have nothing negative to say. I liked it, thought it was interesting, and well-written. Write on.

This is on chapter one: There was a stain that looked like blood. This line is a little confusing. You should put " on it " or something at the ...

“This is a war damnit! We have to kill some people.” I think it would be better if "damnit" was two words. “But he was only a boy.” I said ...

“What d’ya mean, a body? A people body?” I didn't like this line. A "people body" just sounds kiddish. It was these kinds of things that pervert the mind and ...

Hey Ash. Now, aside from the punctuation mistakes (which I don't have time to point out right now) I liked this. I think you've created a solid foundation as a ...

I was reading really fast so this was all I caught: "He hated how they would laugh, and talk of stranger things." You meant strange, right? Now, I think this ...

Well, first off, it'd be nice for some more spacing. This is a pretty good beginning, and it is decently attention-grabbing. You have a good way of building up suspense. ...