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Re: The Device
I like to know what it going on in a story before giving an opinion. So I really can't on this. It was unclear and vague. If you meant it ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Surprise
To be honest, I didn't really like it. I found it mostly dull, and nothing struck me about it. The biggest problem I had with it was your beginning - ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Surprise
To be honest, I didn't really like it. I found it mostly dull, and nothing struck me about it. The biggest problem I had with it was your beginning - ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Victoria and in First person
It was interesting. A pretty intriguing start. You NEED spacing, badly. Have no more time to say anything else, but I did like it.
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: The Downfall of Dandelion Kingdom
This was a really neat idea. I liked it. But I would like to know more about your MC. Perhaps a bit more background and dialogue between her and her ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Broken Bones
I really have nothing negative to say and everyone else covered the critiques. So here's what I have to say: I liked your descriptions, a lot. Keep writing.
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: The Darkness Within
Need spacing. I can't read anything this clumped together.
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: A Summer To Remember-- Prologue
Did you two do the eyeball avatars on purpose? Just curious... Anyway. I thought this was pretty well-written. However, I would just cut all the narrative in the beginning and ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: draft
Hello. Very creative, I have to say. However, I felt that it was a bit confusing. I also felt that there were too many loose ends - of course you ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Curtsy
This was pretty good. I have almost nothing negative to say. The only problem I had was your hook - the very first line. Instead of saying Sunday night downtown, ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Dragon Bait #4
You did it again. I loved it. Can't wait for the next one. Get writing so I don't have to! =P
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: beautiful black and white
I like this. Interesting ideas. Very bittersweet. The only thing I did not like was the whole black-and-white thing. I felt that it took away from the story.
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: English Skies
Hey Ash. There were only a couple things I noticed - but as you know I don't really have time to go and fully critique it. My overall impression: Great. ...
Mar 31, 2008 -
Re: Short Story-ish
This was pretty short. Is it meant as a chapter, prologue, or forst part of just a short story? As to my opinion, I thought that it was decently written. ...
Mar 29, 2008 -
Re: Fireworks for the War (Edited)
Samuel Garrison - Those are some excellent points. Thanks. I'll get to work on them soon. As to a question and a statement you made: Was Alpha Six a real ...
Mar 29, 2008
