KJ

Hey. That's great about this being published. It's a good story. Only problem I really found was this: Her voice died away as she found, half to her disappointment, neither ...

This was a pretty good piece. I liked it. I don't think there's anything I would change, and I didn't notice any typos or grammar mistakes. Oh, wait, there is ...

Hey. Now, I don't want to be cruel or anything, but I found that you completely killed the suspenseful tone and good thing you had going with this ending: The ...

Thanks for the excellent critique, kitty15. I've already made the corrections. =)

You have a talent with building up suspense. I liked that. You have some nice descriptions and derail, also. I didn't notice any errors, so yet another plus. Good work. ...

I really enjoyed this. You have some good descriptions, and I liked your idea. Have no time to say anything else, but just wanted you to know that it's good. ...

I noticed that while writing you have a habit of reusing words a little too much. Such as "ATM" or "pay", etc. etc. As to the story, I enjoyed it. ...

Chapter Three “The only things guys care about are looks,” Vikki informs me. I don’t answer, but I’m faintly surprised. My new friend never struck me as the type to ...

Hey. I found this interesting. My only problem with it was that these characters didn't feel like eleven-year-olds. Why haven't you posted the beginning? Would like to read it and ...

Hey. Welcome to the YWS. This story was, on the positive side, creative. Otherwise, I didn't much like it. I don't want to be mean, but at times reading this, ...

I liked it. It made me smile. Negative things: I felt that the beginning was too cliche. The whole "perfect" thing has been used countless times - even by me. ...

I liked them all. They made you speculate. I don't know why, but the last one I felt was too zoomed in. I know there are a couple other like ...

There were some punctuation errors in there, but I don't have time to point them out. Overall impression: It was okay. I like your style. It's an interesting beginning. On ...

This had some really good flow to it. I liked and enjoyed it a lot. Only thing that can improve it is if you actually put it in poetry format. ...

I really liked this. What I liked most was your hook. I didn't have time to read it all - maybe you should shorten it? Just a thought. Don't have ...