KJ

Hey. This was pretty well-written. I liked it. My favorite part was your description of the stranger. You've begun your plot well, and I also liked your hook. There were ...

Very lovely language you used. This piece is beautiful. It would look better if you had a space between the two paragraphs. I really have nothing else negative to say, ...

I wrote this a long, long time ago. I forgot about it and went on to work on other ideas. But I recently decided to come back to it, and ...

I don't know anyone by the name Jesse Radin. I thought I made it up. Huh. That's weird.

Hey Gryphon. Now, I realize that this was posted over three months ago, but I wanted to see some more of your work. I could find almost nothing wrong with ...

Hey. You've taken the time to review much of my work so I wanted to return the favor. Unfortunately, I have barely anything to say about this that may help ...

A bit shorter than I usually like. I didn't really get an impression on who your MC really is. Need some character development. A bit more description would be nice, ...

Hey Mike. I didn't have time to read the other comments so forgive me if I repeat something. Just a few things that I think need to be altered: In ...

I have to agree with the other reviews when they said your characters were strange. The dialogue felt unbalanced, and some of your details and reactions were inconsistent to the ...

On the negative side, there were many, many punctuation no-no's in here. I realize you were in a hurry, but I don't think that a story should be rushed. And ...

First off, I liked this. You have some good detail and description. You've begun your plot well, also. Hopefully we'll see some character development in your next addition to this. ...

This was one thing I read that I had a problem with: The wind howled like a werewolf, really loudly. Why did you put werewolf? Why not just wolf? I'm ...

I really liked your dialogue. This was very well-written. I have absolutely nothing negative to say. I enjoyed this from beginning to end. Look forward to seeing more. =)

Sorry, but I can't read this. The font is too small and it is all way too clumped together. PM me when or if you change it.

Overall Impression: There wasn't anything especially striking about this first part. Your hook wasn't all that great. You need to grab the reader, and pull them in. So that needs ...