KJ

Hey. Like Chocoholic, I confess to skimming in the very beginning. It felt much like a poem at the start, and while I have no problem with poetry, I was ...

Hey Kool. I want to read this badly, but I am literally out of time. The bell has already rung and I got to get to my next class. But ...

Just a couple nitpicks, seeing as I'm short on time: "Haydence"A soft voice called to the rugged boy seated by the large stained-glass window. This sentence, first, feels a bit ...

Hey. I had a few problems with this. In the very beginning Alicia was beating herself up for being SHY? I didn't get that vibe in Chap. 2. She just ...

Hey. This was also pretty decent. The only thing I didn't really like was when his ex shut up and you made it such a big deal that she had, ...

A pretty solid start. Interested to see where you're going with this... I guess I'll have to keep reading.

I enjoyed this. I guess I have nothing negative to say, and I'm sorry this is so unhelpful. Waiting for more...

Hey. There were only two things that stuck out to me, that I think you should change to improve: I can remember screaming “NOOOOO!!” to him, as if I had ...

Thanks both of you for your help :) Ash, I've already added the changes.

Newly edited

Hello. I've noticed that you have a talent for description and detail. You've done a good job on both counts from what I've read that's yours. I found no problem ...

Hey. I realize that this is super old, and that's you're most likely done with it, but it was at the top of the list in Fantasy Fiction and I ...

Very entertaining. It wasn't supremely good; I don't know if it's just me but I got a bit bored; maybe it was your beginning. You could do better. You have ...

On the negative side, there was far too much narrative. Perhaps its my own taste, but I think that dialogue always adds to a piece. Maybe it's your spacing that's ...

Hey. I don't have much time, but I wanted to tell you what I think. This has a great plot, and some interesting aspects to it. I like how the ...