KJ

I very much enjoyed it. You have a solid beginning, and it was very well-written. Sorry I'm so unhelpful. I found nothing worth pointing out, other than that it was ...

While I realize you said you didn't want to post too much, you can't expect people to comment when they weren't given much of anything. We don't have an inkling ...

I am extremely frustrated with this piece. I meant it to be artistic, and thought-provoking, but I don't think I succeeded. It wasn't as smooth as my writing usually is ...

Newly edited. Need honest opinions. And yes, it is long. But mind you, not as long as it was.

Hey. I thought this a good piece. You did well with the internal struggles of your MC. Only thing I would've liked is a little detail. We have no idea ...

Punctuation needs work. This addition was not the best, but I felt that it served a purpose. The MC got to the point where he needed to tell his mother ...

I hate to repeat things, but I found this puzzling. I didn't say vague - I don't have a problem with that in this piece - but we need to ...

Hey. Your language in this is beautiful, and you have an excellent flow. There were only three main things that I had a problem with: First, you switched tenses a ...

Hey, aren't you going to continue this?! You can't just leave us hanging. WRITE MORE. Sorry I have no critiques; I was too into the story. Waiting for more.

I don't want to sound like a broken record, as all the others have already stated this, but your punctuation needs major work. It distracted me from the actual story. ...

Just a few things I noticed: The rain was soaking into his shoes. There were holes in the bottom, and if he wiggled his toe he could poke it through. ...

Extremely... short? I realize that you meant it to be this way, but should this be in Other Fiction then? It's witty, I'll give you that. I guess I don't ...

Hey. Again, not to be a broken record, your punctuation needs work. The writing was pretty good. It wouldn't have been bad if this was longer though. Not exactly sure ...

Hey. Your punctuation needs work again; you use periods instead of commas many times. As to the story - is that really how it happened? The whole blurting out about ...

Hey. This was as great as the first. You just need to watch your commas; you're missing some. Well-written, and brave of you to share with people. It really is ...