KJ

No offense, Ash, but the whole first-day-of-school thing reminded me of Twilight. So try to make that different when you go on. And yes, it WAS short... too short. I ...

Hey. Just one thing: I don't believe the jews were tatooed until AFTER they'd reached the concentration camps. In the ghetto they simply had to wait, and starve, and suffer. ...

Nice writing. What else can I say? I don't want your ego to flare even more, what with the heaps of compliments you're getting already :( Anyway, the one problem ...

It seems like I ALWAYS have this problem with Edward-written pieces. It just doesn't FEEL like Edward. Of course, you're not Stephenie Meyer, so I can't blame you, but still. ...

“You so owe me.” This sounds like something a teenager in 2008 would say. Cut the so . OVERALL IMPRESSION: Interesting. I guess that's about all I can say. I ...

Very good writing. I was a little iffy when I read the first few lines, but as I read further I did like it quite a bit. I would like ...

Wow, Ash, I like this. You never told me you were working on a new story... what happened to the Roman one? You know, the one I spent HOURS correcting? ...

Hey. I'm just going to give you my overall impression, since I'm sure many people are going to critique this and I don't have too much time on my hands. ...

Hey. It's probably just me, but I just couldn't get into it. I suggest a more attention-grabbing hook. I mostly skimmed, so I can't really offer an opinion. Sorry :(

First off, I just want to say that I thought this extremely well-written, and I have very little to critique. I liked this better than the first part. I do ...

Hey. I noticed that you have a unique style of writing... lots of odd comparisons that I've never seen used. So I guess that's a plus? Even if some of ...

Wow, this is cool. And you did this on the computer? Wow.

Cute, but I gotta be honest... I didn't feel like that was really Edward. Some of the things he was saying just didn't seem like things he would say. And ...

Well, I certainly liked the length. However, your paragraphs need some work. You don't need to have near as many as you do. Combine some. I don't have much time, ...

(Shamefully few) NITPICKS: Some of them whispered, even if for only the benefit of talking, and most of their concern was on the people above, on deck, and moving ashore. ...