KJ

This time it was Cassandra’s turn to smile smugly. I thought she was so upset. This is rather sudden to the reader. His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Cassandra ...

The strawberry patches carried their heavenly aroma across her nose and she couldn’t resist the temptation any longer, plucking one small fruit from it’s home. Its , not it's . ...

”Hmm?” he mumbled, his lips unable to produce the words as fatigue slowly consumed his body like an unwanted drug.[I] [I]”You think Dr. Davidson will find out what’s wrong with ...

He opens his mouth to speak, looking like he is reading to tell me something important, but Carmen appears, his lean form coming into view. This was the only typo ...

Chapter Ten Before the Judgment The night of the Challenge was foggy and humid. We all sat around the clearing on the east side of Mackenzie. I was unhappy about ...

Don't judge me, readers of my work! :oops: I know I have a million other started stories, but I've had this one for a while and I wanted to see ...

Hey. Just letting you know that WILL get back to this - I'm out of time right now, and I can't even glance at it. But know that I will ...

Okay, so I'm a little uncertain about this continuation. I had another plan for how this story was gogint o go, but suddenly this happened...? So tell me what you ...

It doesn't suck! I don't think you should give up on it. I said I liked it :) It just needs some work...

Hey Ash. Wow, so I think your critiques are already covered? Maybe? Anyway, I guess I'll just state my opinion - loved it. Your beginning, as always, was flippin great. ...

Don't be mad people, okay? I'm just playing around with this. I'm still working on the others - this was a brief escape. Chapter One He loved her, that I ...

Overall, this was very well-written. My main problem with this is that you're telling, not showing. I feel as if the tone to this pice is cold, like even the ...

I knew exactly what that poison was too, betrothal. Should be colon instead of comma. I was to marry him and bare his children and take care of his house. ...

First of all, welcome to YWS. I saw that this hasn't gotten any critiques yet, so I thought I'd give it a go :) Tick tock, tick tock, the pendulum ...

“You already tried that. What do chances hold? Broken promises,” She muttered The S shouldn't be capatilized. “With pleasure,” Comma should be period. That was... confusing. Was there two girl