KJ

Everyone: Thanks for the feedback. I'll be sure to edit as soon as I've finished the book (Getting close!). And Olivia: Wow, I think your comment is the most flattering ...

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN: I think this is my favorite chapter so far. It was midnight when I was reading this and editing, so I didn't really catching anything because my eyes ...

CHAPTER ELEVEN: All I can think of the say at this a.m. hour is that I'm glad the plot is thickening - it was getting a little boring there :) ...

CHAPTER NINE: I find that Carmen's behavior is WAY too inconsistent. He pushes Sophia towards Isaac, then is pissed when she responds to him. And it happens al over again. ...

CHAPTER EIGHT: Wow Sophia has a lot of tantrums. Maybe you should cut back on those... Yeah. That's all I got. You already have al my corrections, so... I have ...

CHAPTER SEVEN: I notice that you slip into the past tense sometimes. Gotta watched that. Also, there should ALWAYS be a space after every period :)

CHAPTER FIVE: Way too may pronouns again. Use ISAAC'S NAME! I didn't notice anything else; I'm really tired. But I still wish that Carmen loved Sophia... stupid Nora... I hope ...

CHAPTER THREE: I don't know if I'm tired or your writing is already improving, but I didn't find much in this one. Just try to avoid repetition, and you need ...

CHAPTER ONE: Okay, so a few problems with this one. First, your MC's emotions are all over the place. I mean, I know that's how us humans are, but the ...

CHAPTER TWO: I don't understand why Sophia gets in such big trouble. She didn't even DO anything. You should explain this better. Oh, and something I forgot to mention last ...

So you know I edited all of this on the actual manuscript, but want to get a least a FEW points for all that work, so I'll just post my ...

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Hey Ash. I guess I don't really have any real critiques to make, just a few suggestions. I didn't really like your beginning. The whole 'exposed toes' gave the story ...