KJ

This is really interesting. I think you've got something here, Nariel. But a couple things, as always :) You don't need to explain everything that's happening. Leave it up to ...

NITPICKS: I think she takes it harder than the rest of us, but that’s probably because she’s still fifteen and innocent. When you lose your innocence, that’s when killing just ...

Well, I liked it. Your style is unique, something I don't see too much of anymore, and the whole thing is just interesting. It made me think. A little inconsistent ...

Remember what I said about overreacting? Yeah, there's a whole lot of that in this chapter. I think you need to tone down both the scene where she showed the ...

WrittenSoul: I'm... speechless. Thanks for your review. It was quite overwhelming. As to your uncertainty to when it's past and present, just thought I should let you know that every ...

While I enjoyed the actual writing - you have a unique style - your sentence structure I did not enjoy. Almost every sentence was the same in the very beginning. ...

Venom: Thanks for reading and pointing out those couple things. I'll be sure to take your advice when editing :) Next chapter will be along either tomorrow or the next ...

Thanks, Moon :)

-EDITED- There wasn't much to do, but... *Shrugs*

It was in the dark hours of mourning when realization hit me. I know your MC is in mourning, but don't you mean morning ? “Yes, mother, charade. Those people ...

While I found this an enjoyable read - thought-provoking and posessing a beautiful flow - I couldn't see this as a STORY. It seems more like a jounral, almost, or ...

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Hey. I'm here to offer my humble opinion and insert a few comments for consideration when you get around to editing. Your MC overreacts. Maybe you did that on purpose, ...

I'm not very good at reviewing poetry, but I thought I would give this a shot. I think you need more... advanced? wording. More description. Maybe you mean for this ...

First off, love the title. I don't know why, but for some reason I just LOVE this story. There's not even that much of it, and it does need a ...