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Re: The Cold Moon [Prolouge]
NITPICKS: It was evening, warm and breezy. In all the summer nights that had been seen in Cumbria [Awkward wording. Try something like: In all the summer nights Cumbria had ...
Jun 23, 2009 -
Re: The Experiment - Chap. 4
Chapter Four I’d danced with boys before. Many, in fact. Phil may have been my first date, but he certainly hadn’t been the last. Since he’d left for college, I’d ...
Jun 23, 2009 -
Re: Shadows of Eternity - Chap. 4
Yes, it has been a long time. Instead of working on new ideas as I've been extremely tempted to, I've been working on the old ones. Tell me what you ...
Jun 23, 2009 -
Re: An Apple and a Graveyard - Chap. 1
Whew. Edited as of 6-22-09. It's been so long since I've worked on this; I'm really excited to get back into the plot. Hope you guys enjoy the rewrite. I ...
Jun 23, 2009 -
Re: By Sun, By Moon - Prologue
*EDITED* Wow, it's been a long time since I've worked on this! I've only just now starte dto get a passion for it again. Weird, huh?
Jun 22, 2009 -
Re: I Need You To Write. - 1. Part 1.
Hey Jane. Can I call you Jane? :) I just wanted to let you know that I liked this piece a lot. I see you've already gotten many reviews just ...
Jun 22, 2009 -
Re: The Descent, Part One, Revised
Hey, I'm KJ. I decided to lay off on nitpicks with your piece, because I didn't spot many while reading, and it looks like the reviewer above me covered most ...
Jun 22, 2009 -
Re: Bitten (chapter one)
NITPICKS: I was being hunted by my own kind. I like your hook, but this spoils the intensity. You're diving into it too fast. Sure, we want to know why ...
Jun 22, 2009 -
Re: Leather and Lace - Chapter One
NITPICKS: He’s looking down at me with a blank expression on his face, a short white stick hanging out between his closed lips. He’s moving it around too much that ...
Jun 22, 2009 -
Re: Deleted
DELETED
Jun 18, 2009 -
Re: House of Shadows - Chap. 1
Okay, so this is something I started a while ago. It's different for me, because I wanted the writing to be raw. Rough. Purposefully ignorant. I'm hoping to convey the ...
Jun 18, 2009 -
Re: Mary the Slave girl
The night was dark, darker than normal. A young girl in a dirty, worn out dress dragged her feet across the fields, heading towards the one place she had ever ...
Jun 18, 2009 -
Re: This War, Part One of Prologue
Hey. This is payback for reading one of my chapters for The Experiment. Thanks a lot for taking the time to do so. And now, on to the review. I ...
Jun 18, 2009 -
Re: Angel in my Arms
I liked this a lot, actually. Only problem I had with it - well, there's two actually - was, one, it was too melodramatic in some parts, and two, the ...
Jun 18, 2009 -
Re: Endless
As It [Why is It capitalized?] has been stated by a friend quite dear to my heart; "life can be compared to an ocean." [I think it should read like ...
Jun 17, 2009
