JosephDean

okay i'm lost...this is too confuseing, i have to drop out. *ekk* Sorry, guys, but I'm going to have to as well :( Keep Tobias' character or not, I don't ...

I close my eyes, for only a moment. You do not need the comma there. "for only a moment" is a prepositional phrase. I want to touch him, to hug ...

You spend zero time discussing the consiquences of her being in a smoke-filled house for so long. Did she get burned at all? How did she get out? Why isn't ...

[[[Not posting yet because it's so not the right time for Tobias to appear, lol, but I wanted to say one thing: Echelon, stick to one tense :P You go ...

I just read through the previous parts, and I agree to take out most, if not all, of the first part. Like you said, I don't see how it really ...

Lol, I had special permission to make my character :) And if the rest of the Volturi make their early appearances, I'll play those characters... Since there are so many, ...

Oh. My. God. O____O That was absolutely fantastic! Your writing style... your words... everything (except your grammar and punctuation usage, hehe) is exceptional! I completely understand your stance

Let me start by telling a story: Many people will tell you that starting off with something like this is really unprofessional and child-like, and I have to say that ...

I really am enjoying this story. Everything about it, including the older brother looking out the younger one. Your writing describes everything perfectly. The only thing that kind of bugged ...

Astra is a warrior who seeks revenge on the Volturi for recruiting her brother, Jace, and turning him into a sadistic replica of who he used to be. Hehe, looks ...

MOVIE VEIWING. "Viewing" is misspelled. --- First, lmao at Jiggity's final comment. :P Anyways, the writing style is definitely kept in the admirable state here. I really enjoyed it. I ...

"Hi Daddy," I say, pretending I'm with the birdmen. Comma after "Hi" I'm sorry Daddy. Comma after "sorry" --- Wow, this is so excellent! The "birdmen" thing is a little ...

my favorite passion (besides writing) is drawing. i've been drawing seriously for about... 2 years? i guess. i've been trying to be more realistic, but i'm horrible at coloring, since ...

I just finished reading the first part to this a few minutes ago and loved it, so I was glad that you had posted this one today. Grammatically and punctuation-wise, ...

Even though it seemed I had 5/20 vision, This assumes that the reader understands that 5/20 is bad... Yeah I know it's obvious to anyone, but it can still be ...