Jiggity

I'm back! The icy cold wind began to pick up, definitely unusual for this part of the city. He's in a city? Wasn't he on a deserted plain? He could ...

Well...that was...pointless. Er. I understand this is meant to be satirical, but of what in particular? The superhero genre? Or a certain superhero in particular? Perhaps a story or TV ...

A thunderous roar filled the air, a giant Kraken-like beast rampaging across the Outer Circle Either separate this into two, stand alone sentences or connect them better. 'A thunderous roar ...

Josiah had been right: human blood was worth damnation Just because there's a colon, doesn't mean the following word should be capitalised. You do this again with 'security'. I was ...

[s]The sound of [/s]A constant annoying beeping sound awoke her Repetition of 'sound'. Beep...beep... beep... You've already described the nature of the noise; it just looks amateur when you do ...

Wellity, I'd have liked to have mentioned it earlier, gently, but I was told to wait and see if you improved; give you the chance to find your feet, etc. ...

It was a white flag of surrender, proclaiming, “Our king has given up. Our king has given up.” I hated this sentence. Unless of course, it actually happens to have ...

I whom they call I not the Lord of this domain? I, whom they call Metatron. That's an oddly constructed sentence; didn't really feel that the ellipse fit here, but ...

I'm a little confused by the placing of the slaves, now. At first, I thought everyone was in a separate cage. But after reading several of the other posts, about ...

I'm torn by this. On the one hand, it works so very well - very effective, very ugly. As though the ugly fashion in which it was written reflects the ...

"Bob" - Dijon The ocean heaved, buffeted by the storm as the Heavens made known their fury. The Clan was on the move, a vast herd of cattle and horses ...

My internet loads everything pretty quickly actually.

Yes, I would say the conversation felt forced. As though it were more for our - the reader's - benefit than it was something they would actually say to one ...

Holy Good Chapter, Batman! Dude, finally, this trumps the other two easily. In fact, I would ditch the other two, this is much better stuff. like some divine revelation ugh. ...

There was only darkness; sweet, oblivious darkness. The darkness could not see her. I'm not sure about this repetition here; its a short story and you make other - more ...