Jiggity

Well, this was boring. You know the whole telling, not showing shebang that you hear as regards narrative writing? The same applies for poetry - there are exceptions obviously, but ...

XD Who's falling asleep? EDIT: Oh, I just saw. And, er, well. I don't know what to say. Sleeping in the middle of a raging, drunken melee of death is ...

By the way, The dark silhouette in my post was meant to be the Captain - not sure if that came across. And, just to explain the reactions I gave ...

The hill on which it stood loomed before me, the towering, leafless trees cast shadows across the lawn [s]making me feel as if I were being watched.[/s] Sometimes, throughout this ...

I didn't like the opening - it was, in my opinion, a tad overdone. At least it was when compared to the rest of it. Smile at it every night ...

1.Total number of books you own? I'm guessing somewhere between 200-250 novels. 2.What was the last book you bought? Graveyard Boy by Neil Gaiman 3.What was the last book you ...

I think this poem will work better in present tense. I really liked this guy and he liked me. The day he gave me the rose it was white. It ...

Yeah, the rhyming and tempo is a bit off on this; I'm not a poetry nut though so I can't tell you to fix it. Nail another seal to my ...

Lonely bones of old maids rumble into empty graves, Clattering against the dusky soil. I think 'rumble' should be 'tumble' - rumble is a sound, an effect, but not an ...

Johanna fidgeted in her uncomfortable stool, twirling her long brunette hair around and around her finger. on her uncomfortable stool She couldn't’t put her finger on it was something new ...

Isaac looked at her, her eyes were hollow, the usual mystery blanked from them. Hm. The commas here and in a few other cases are misused I think as the ...

Indeed, welcome aboard! I've already seen some of your stuff and reviewed. Glad to hear you like it here; we're all about friendly improvement. Luck with it, Cheers

Hello Nezzy, Welcome to YWS. Good to see another new face. What do you like reading and what kind of stories do you write? I read and write fantasy and ...

The warm feeling of numbness starts to begin 'starts to build' or just 'starts' - 'start to begin' is redundant. with a stream of liquid that brushes your face, Flows ...

Hey, Sorry, what's discouraging you? The speech marks thing? Well, I'm not a technical whiz but there are plenty of them on this site, so ask around. I'm sure someone ...