Jiggity

Too bad.

Cyrus paced. He was mulling over the problem, wandering what to do, when Seraph asked him what he thought. "We don't even know for sure if they've been captured." He ...

I didn't finish all this; there was something I noticed straight away that made me stop. You are far too over-descriptive and it really drags the story down. In depth ...

Aside from dialogue punctuation -- which is sorely needed here--I agree with Phorcys here, there needs to be some confilct; something that drives the story and the character. As it ...

Granted, but you get hit by a car when you venture outside! I wish I was fitter/stronger

6/10 -- okay.

Without proof he would remain crimeless. I think 'crimeless' should be changed to 'blameless' -- whether there's proof or not, he still committed a crime. Kat was the eldest niece ...

I believe it means vampire ..., just thought I'd add that -- I'm nit joining the storybook lol.

Hahahaha, lol, thanks a lot Fand. It is quite ridiculous; I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

OOC: Fand said we'd be travelling under cover of nightfall ... is that so? And is that really possible, with horses, in mountainous terrain? Cyrus hopped on to Daisy, rubbing ...

Whats this preposterous rubbish?! LIES I SAY!! Whats with women claiming guys stole stuff from them ... I mean seriously, y'all know I had it first. I still cant sleep! ...

Granted, but then it works so fast it spinsyou out and gives you an even wors headache. I wish for another season of Firefly

Granted, but then no one visits you on Boxing Day and you get depressed and drunk. I wish I was a wise person.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, tis appreciated. I wanted to show that apathy of insomnia is so alike our daily lives and juxtapose that with the ...

I think that, in general, Kay pretty much covered it all. Some things though, I'll reiterate. Fix the little glitches so, on the whole, the poem flows better. "striking up ...