Jiggity

This one was better though, methinks.

It is extroadinarily well done; quite brilliant really. I agree, Jack, there were several moments that almost had me in tears as well lol.

I disagree, I liked it very much, but at the same time its a familiar feel-these musings that is, much like what you hear from many a wearied immortal character, ...

Hm. How interesting, I have the exact opposite view. In that, I think the fantasy saved the piece, which, as a thriller/horror piece was not very good. Don't get me ...

I must admit to some disappointment at what was, ultimately, a flawlessly executed but not very engaging text. I was looking forward to the fantasy element; I think, unlike some, ...

Well said Brad. As for Kaz, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the not needing a father thing. I think the balance of man and woman is ...

Blast. But you have a good point. *cackles* *slinks back into the shadows*

Your face is stupidly funny. Thats vintage Family Guy XD. 6/10--eh.

Indeed. This may be slightly unrelated, but does anyone remember the option you had/could take that showed you how many people viewed your profile and who and when those people ...

3/10-- I have a headache so maybe I'm not well enough to judge... but I think I am so there.

Nice work over all, but comma's kill this piece: Ravin lay, perfectly awake, on his mattress This kind of halting sentence is common throughout the story and it just about ...

4. – The Detective They were in a small room, sitting opposite one another, nondescript table between them. Slight wisps of smoke trailed upward from his fingertips. He couldn’t stop ...

Poetic prose also belongs in the Poetry Forum. Somone kindly move it there.

the soft plink of the bullet contacting the can? contacting is such an odd word to use here. It definetly halted the flow for me, and so early on, thats ...

Cheers for the comment, Tri. I was lucky to get this in on time as it was lol, not that it took me long to write, just that there was ...