Jetpack

Enyalius He wandered out of the tent with no sense of direction, only wanting to go back inside and hear what Ren was saying to Gris. Enyalius had seen the ...

Jessie, April 11th, 1912 "Are you all right?" Philippe stood at a distance, and Jessie knew that he had seen her tears as they caught the light. She moved towards ...

James Joyce. That isn't the first time I've been told I try to write like him, either. I've never even read any Joyce. EDIT: I put in something I wrote ...

Jessie, 11th April 1912 The dinner had passed with awkward conversation and an almost constant glare from George until the men retreated to the smoking room. Jessie assumed that they ...

Hey! Here for a review. I'll start off with nitpicks, and then go into general criticisms. This is an incredibly powerful storyline and I know someone going through something similar; ...

I feel that you need to connect to the reader more. Let us into his (the MC's) head. Give him more emotions. It was also strange how this piece seemed ...

I'm not great with photography, but I find that there isn't much to focus on here. There's a stray piece of thread (?) in the bottom left corner which is ...

I might have mine saved somewhere, but I only remember it going on the wall in the classroom when I was about five. I was so proud. It was about ...

Is it a prologue? I get the idea that it isn't, but if it is, I'll re-address this. Lots of books start with the death of a major character, e.g. ...

Back to review your second chapter. I'm not going to nitpick, as this is mostly grammatically sound, nor am I going to hammer home the "show, don't tell" point again, ...

No problem Leilani. And Rosey, yours is done, but rather unhelpfully because there wasn't much to criticise! More requests, pretty please?

There is no UK. There's just an orange blob where it used to be!

Here as requested! I know you mainly want a character dissection for this, but I'm going to go ahead and nitpick anyway before I look at characters. There isn't that ...

8/10. So... cute... *incapacitated*

((I'll bring you in, MayApple.)) Enyalius Smoothing down his borrowed clothes, Enyalius walked behind Sera, feeling suddenly vulnerable without his hooded cloak. However, if he was going to make an ...