Jennafina

Hey, dream_girl, welcome to YWS! I'm Jenna. About your story, formatting please! ^.^ This would be so much easier to read if you put in more paragraphs, especially around your ...

Granted, but it's rotten and you get sick and have to spend the next six years of your life in a hospital eating nothing but jello. I wish that I ...

Hello! This is pretty long, so I'll critique it in parts. Hope you don't mind. :) I have a kind of short attention span. 1 Your beginning made me interested, ...

A figurein a white parka, huddled at the base of a narrow road. I don't think you need a comma here. If you wanted to put one in, it would ...

That would be a village. *smirks* -Mert If you knew the world were about to end and nothing you or anybody could do would stop it, would you tell anybody?

Yay! That was the cutest story about a blood-sucking killer I've ever read! *feels warm and fuzzy.* Heh, sorry. His hair dirty-blonde hair probably hadn’t been brushed at all that ...

This is kind of sweet, and obviously heartfelt, but it doesn't seem very catchy, especially at first. You need to grab the reader with an interesting opening or character. Why ...

“Hey man, you got any Vaseline?” What's this about? The rest of your dialogue I really like. It seems natural, and one topic flows easily to the next. Also, it's ...

Hello. Welcome to YWS! You can call me Jenna. :) Please leave more spaces inbetween your dialague! It will make it so much easier to read. I grinned, his eyes ...

Thanks Jiggy and Snoink! :) Glad you could tell the difference between my characters. That's what I was hoping for. About the He thing, I can't find where I did ...

That encouraging people can be fun! :D I wonder if you wrote 50,000 words of encouragement.

“No, Dear, I’m not a god,” the thing answered. Sensuret stared at it, taking in its glistening wings, and shimmering body. It looked to Sensuret like he imagined a god ...

"No. If I had trusted every idiot who asked me to, I'd be dead five times over." -Tacy Would you rather get what you want through violence or compromise through ...

Cool! I was compelled to read all the way to the end, which is really good. However, you could pick up the pace by using more active (less passive) verbs. ...

Yay! That's awesome! Congrats El, Dusky and Clau! 50,555! I'm done with the novel too. If I wrote 5000 more words I could have 55,555. :D