Jenita

Umm... okay, so much for looking our for the next chapter... :?

Hey, great story. :) . I thought you had a lot of detail, actually, considering this is a prologue. Specifics: I really don't think you need the first paragraph... it ...

Hey, thank you for the comments everyone. Yes, I did actually mean for the song lyrics to tie into what I wrote. And when I first wrote it Crysi was ...

Chapter One: Lin In the shadow of the moon, She danced in the starlight Whispering a haunting tune To the night... Velvet skirts spun 'round and 'round Fire in her ...

Great story you have here. The beginning reminds me a lot of Harry Potter -- a stranger appears on a quiet respectable street, carrying a bundle, which turns out to ...

Okay, so, I basically agree with everything blackwings said... especially number five: Phil is WAY too much of a know-it-all at this point and is acting very snobbish. Not a ...

Hey, I think this version is better in its more detailed explanation and lack of lack thereof. A couple of specifics: It sort of seems like you're contradicting yourself in ...

Wow, this is tough... I suppose I got here late. Basically, I agree with everything everyone's said so far, especially about the long paragraphs and the cliches. And Cat and ...

Ah, well, the character change was sort of the point. And the curtseyed thing doesn't show up on my spell-checker. On it says that it can be spelled both ways, ...

Something, shimmering brightly, streaked through the air with a whoosh and just barely grazed her cheek. She screamed. "Who did this?" she shrieked. " Who ? What foul, pathetic little-" ...

That was pretty good. A few comments I have (mostly about the beginning): 1. I think you use the word "was" too much, which makes for telling rather than showing, ...

I forgot to mention my huge and nasty callus on my middle finger of my right hand due to handwriting. I grip the pen too hard, and it hurts me ...

Let me see... You have a lot of mechanical errors in here, but I'm not sure if you want comments on those, so I'll ignore them for the time being ...

Let's see, what hasn't been said yet? In fantasy... ~Diana Wynne Jones is AMAZING. She writes mainly fantasy and some sci-fi, and though some of her books are bit boring ...

Gary Stew? I've never heard that one before. I loved the Artemis Fowl books, from beginning to end (of the fourth one)... I think I had problems getting into it ...