Jay

Hi Saphirra, welcome to YWS! This piece is a little long to review all in one go. I would cut it down to the first chapter. PM me when you ...

I am really impressed with this-it's my cup of tea. I actually like how the poem appears disconnected to the rest of the beginning-it gets the reader wondering about what ...

Nodding along with tnme22 and Lucy here-it is very long. But it is also very good, and it's evident you spent a lot of time and effort on this. It's ...

First of all, we have a rule that you do two reviews for every piece of work you post. So you need to do two reviews to balance this piece ...

This is too long to review in one go-why don't you cut it down to a more manageable length? PM me when you do that, and I'll do a critique ...

I like this. It's sweet and funny. Something about it really appeals to me. The dialogue is the standout in your writing-it's realistic and funny. The idea is also interesting, ...

Wow, I was certainly impressed with this. It's gritty and harrowing, without being too complex or wordy. It is also very dark and mature compared with what I often see ...

This should really be in the writing section-under 'Writing' you'll see 'submit something'. But since you only joined yesterday, I'll give you a pass. Also, people need some time to ...

I like Tori's idea of using Annabel. Other ideas: Valerie Ariella or Arielle Gabriella Lucinda Aurelia Elodie Isabella Isadora

Wow-this is sure impressive. It's sophisticated, quirky and different from what I usually see here. And the description is very detailed. I wasn't moved emotionally by this, but that's not ...

Wow. This was dramatic, compelling and powerful. It is very dark, and I don't really like reading dark stories, but that's more a personal issue. The description is vivid and ...

I am so totally in love with this right now. I like the way you build up character and give the piece personality through the small, subtle details. It's also ...

Wow, this was amazing-you have lots of potential with this idea. You have a likable protagonist and an interesting and mysterious villain. It's well-described and suspenseful. Congratulations on writi

Hi there! This is very long, so maybe you could cut it down a bit? When you do that, send me a PM, and I'll do a detailed critique.

I prefer writing about realistic people, and I prefer reading stories where the characters show flaws and vulnerability. Atticus from To Kill A Mockingbird strikes me as a perfect character ...