Jamie_rocks

OK, I think this is a great start. However, the tense is mixed, it's half past and half present tense. That's not really possible and needs to be changed. I ...

OK, thanks. I'm almost done with the next chapter.

OK, thanks. I've almost finished chapter two. I have a few stories going so it's taking longer than I thought.

OK, yeah, thanks. I was thinking about that. I"ll do that when I rewrite. Thanks again!

Ok, thanks. And thanks about the Halloween thing. I"ll have to look into that to make sure my story doesn't sound like someone else's idea.

OK, thanks everyone. The critique means so much. I'm working on part two now. And gryffgotgame: Thanks, and you're Lone Teen story is really good, too.

OK thanks. I was planning on making it longer though, I guess I should have specified that.

OK, thanks everyone.

OK, thanks.I'll do that when I rewrite.

OK, for a story, I need some info on football. Basically, I need to know all the positions, how many players for each, and what they do. Thanks in advance.

Me again. OK, first off, and I hate myself for this, the nit-picking. "pin point" from the first paragraph, should be one word. That's all I found. One thing I ...

OK thanks, will do.

Me again. Good job keeping up the humor, it really does a lot for the story. Good job, too, on using the big words, it makes him sound more like ...

There's some grammar and spelling mistakes, but I hate being nit-picky, you might want to try Word's ABC check. OK, by Emu, are we talking about the bird, because that's ...

I agree with what they said, it's really short, personally, i would make it longer. It's really detailed, which is good, but be careful. there is such thing as too ...