JFW1415

Chapter Three After I Read All I can really do is echo myself – set the atmosphere. Let me have some idea where they are, especially in the woods, and ...

Again, sorry I made you wait so long for these critiques! Nit-Picks “Don’t fall ‘sleep!” Serena cried out. The kid nodded; it was evident in his eyes that he intended ...

You requested this critique some time ago, and I'm finally getting to it. Sorry I took so long! Nit-Picks Benny lay in his bed. His little eyes were not yet ...

Chapter Two After I Read My main problem is that you rambled so much. Any sentence over 15 words, see if you can reword. Any sentence with four or more ...

Heehee... I can ramble on this for quite a while! Before you even start an action scene, you need to set it up. Who wants to be in the middle ...

I'm not doing a full critique, because you made some obvious errors that you need to fix yourself. 1. Typos! Just run this through a spell-check. Nate even supplies you ...

Nit-Picks Grand Elder Denniete sat back from her table, relaxing[s],[/s] and breathing deeply. She had told Grand Elder Goash that it would happen- no, she told herself, no, I didn’t ...

Nit-Picks Jaresh had been sitting in the little roadside tavern for what felt like days, but he knew it had really been less than an hour. He was only on ...

Nit-Picks Jaresh peeked through the tiny gap in his curtains, looking out of his window and into the square. The statue of the Warlock, Froll, stood towering above the buildings ...

Nit-Picks Lastly, her eyes settled on a figure towering over her bed. She was in a bed? Icky paragraph much? Let us feel her slowly adjust to her surroundings, feel ...

Nit-Picks Mel- the blinded Mel- groaned inwardly. This meant trouble, surely. Narrators can’t really switch names like that – call her Melody. Her brain couldn’t take it. He r legs ...

Nit-Picks As she skipped up the stairs to her floor in the dusty hotel, Melody Lowe counted each one, though she already knew exactly how many there would be when ...

Nit-Picks Melody looked up from her car seat, giggling. Her mother was smiling at her from the passenger seat, tickling her toes. Melody squirmed and laughed harder. Her father joined ...

Yay! I get to rip yet another story to pieces. J You should go thank Sam. She convinced me to critique these pieces, ‘cause she’s so freakin’ amazing. Oh, and ...

They have a grammar mistake in their name! *Gasp* 'Big Brother Has Ran Out Of Diet Coke' You're killing me here, BB. Anyone else ready to rip out their eyes? ...