JC

...swirl colors in kaleidoscopic patterns. For some reason this part just sounds awkward to me, maybe try something like swirl colors in kaleidoscopic-like patters, or something along the lines of ...

Im not joining the monkey bandwagon, but I dont think that dragons would work either just because thats a creation of fantasy, and there are more types of writing out ...

Add a lightning scar to his forehead and guess what??? you've got harry potter...well that's what it looks like to me. Apart from that I agree with everything Necromancer says. ...

Okay, fixed it!!!! (well...I certanly hope I did...)

Thanks, I was kind-of rushing while I was I know that shouldn't make a difference but it did. I'm going to go back tonight and edit like crazy. P.S-I do ...

I liked it, but I got a little confused about where everything was going, perhaps add more reasoning or descriptions, maybe add a scene or two. but yeah, it was ...

well i posted another story in third peron, its in 2 sections this time its called running from yourself

:!: WARNING: This is the unedited second part. To view the story in whole, and correct, visit the first installation!!!! :!: “They're going to take her away,” Emily said, she ...

Running from Yourself Lying, unreliable attention hogs. Telling her there was something wrong with her. She was fine. Perfect. Nothing was wrong. Helen was sitting on the uncomfortable leather of ...

Well, no Ellie dies...that was kinda the irony of the story.

:!: Please Critique :!: (sorry in advance about the length) Enough to Live She put the blade to her tear-soaked arm, one last time , she promised herself fully knowing ...

well, if your only going to say things that 15/16 year olds would say or think, then things wouldn't be described as much. think about it, how many times have ...

Thanks. thats what i did, but most of even the recorded stories that i could find were in 3rd person, which isnt very useful for what i was trying to ...

Thanks for the advice

hehe, sorry, forgot to mention that this was a school project, just to explain the topic.