Izzyeyore

There are about a dozen or so nitpicks in this piece, but I resisted :D I really liked this story, it seemed to be akin to what a teenage boy ...

Wow... the beginning was great, and then she turned into a slightly psycho-b**ch-let-me-yell-at-anyone-who-annoys-me type of person; she overreacted a bit at the end, but other than that, I liked it ...

oh no! that's a great story, and I agree completely with the accent thing :D

Choking, throat are the two things that stood out to me, but yeah... great piece! :D for lack of a better word, it was really unique.

Oh no!!! *sob* why did he dieeee?!! great story *sniff*

I really liked this; it was cute, short, sweet, and got to the point fairly quickly. A few comments: -You go from really poetic and eloquent descriptions to using colloquial ...

"laundry shoot" -- chute "bowel of cereal" -- bowl "life to school" -- lift "his face ad wrinkled" -- had "hairline...reseeding" -- receding "after noun" -- afternoon "tat was another ...

peaking -> peeking reeking -> wreaking those are twp wprds that you got mixed up on, but those were the only ones I caught, good job!

may I ask what you thought of the second chapeter

This is really confusing to me... maybe I'm weird though.... But in any case, this could be a lot shorter; right now it seems (to me, at least) to be ...

..Continue? *hopeful smile*

Even though I have been living here for a year, France was still breath taking. But this man looked French. He moved in a French manor, sipped his mocha in ...

ok, hi, welcome to YWS and pre-warning, sorry about my probably over-harsh critique (the stuff in bold is what I would suggest adding, and the other comments that pertain to ...

Other than the tenses and all the other things mentioned above, I noticed one awkward wording as I was (re-)reading it: His hand was on my cheek, his soft, soothing ...

First comment, yess, so: I loved this! The beginning was nice, a bit vague in the verbage (yey new word!) and the way they spoke, but that makes sense since ...