Incandescence

ANI, While I am glad you enjoyed it, if you can't tell me why--then, that isn't very useful, is it? Part of being a good critiquer is knowing what you ...

Tassen Spellbinder, Based sheerly on the fact that you have a lot of fat-trimming to be doing here--that is, cutting unnecessary words and, indeed, lines and stanzas--it was hard for ...

Vampx13-- Why would you post something which you didn't give a serious attempt? Well, whatever the case may be, this certainly won't make anyone stop to remark on the power ...

Remember, Poetry is more than a collection of questions and linebreaks. Figure out what imagery, metaphor and simile are before posting again. Thanks, Brad

Bjorn, This belongs in your blog, not on the poetry forum. You have produced and are capable of producing much better. Best, Brad

Elizabeth, Here's the effect: You have failed to communicate an idea. Here are the causes: (1) this is too wordy and repetitious for meaning to be clasped and taken home; ...

mer, This is overmodified. It falls as an underconceived, clumsy narrative. This has all the earmarks of something that was dashed off in fifteen minutes--why do you think we would ...

Cal, Overall, this is very good. The subtle shift from the absence of person to the absence of self is very clever. Other than minor things which you can find ...

Sharty-- I fail to see the humor in this. You are eating an omelet at what? This is funny in the way a dog getting mangled by a car is ...

cathy-- What was the purpose in breaking the rhyme in S2? For that matter, you would probably be better off breaking the rhyme scheme entirely, scrapping this, and trying again. ...

a_wolf123, The potential that might have been here has probably vanished. Before I read the end, I thought this was about God, so you might want to consider creating better ...

Hi Swottielottie, I think you need to try reading some modern poetry. You are a beating a dead horse with this topic, and, thankfully for you, entrance into Heaven does ...

cymbeline_x, I thought this was a waste of potentially useful electrons - an evaluation which you may find cruel. This reader neither cares about your lack of hope nor about ...

Welcome Pivot_Master, The biggest problem I had with this is a narrative that seems disjointed in a manner that isn't constructive to the poem overall. Did you ever think? Did ...

Vampx13-- The piece seems intent on plowing the same patch of ground until the reader "gets it." This didactic approach runs counter to the theme of the work, since everyone ...