Incandescence

lexy: I don't see any redeemable material here. You have some cliches (fading into his arms). You have an event that leads to name-calling. The one-word lines are sure-fire signs ...

Krystalstars-- The narrator is self-obsessed and boring. I doubt if a revision that does not include starting over will be worthwhile. Take some time. Step away from writing and read. ...

ilubdraco-- When I got to the end of this piece and read, "...I hope your last few months are magical", the only thought that came to mind was, "Is she ...

Hi Fantasyfreak14, What is this stuff? S1L2 is the end of this poem--the rest is filler. There's no doubt you have potential, but it is not enough to save this. ...

Fantasyfreak14-- Welcome to the YWS Poetry forums. This curious construction serves no purpose that I can see. Best, Brad

Face it. We’ve all walked (clicked) away from a poem worrying that we might catch cancer if we kept reading it—so much that even our commenting runs the risk of ...

All-- Thanks for taking your time to read and respond to this. Crysi, The first is a call, the second an answer. The third: resolution. Poetry articulates the gaps in-between. ...

Fantasy of You-- I appreciate the honesty. As it were, being published in a magazine doesn't mean anything, since three-fourths of the users on the site could be published in ...

Fantasy of You-- This is instantly forgettable fluff with a pastoral and conversational tone sprinkled throughout. It wanders randomly towards an end-goal only the writer must find satisfying. The sec

avidreader10-- Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. It is a short story. Jack, I am surprised this received any positive feedback. Besides being written in a slightly ...

watergirlwriter3-- Please refrain from posting any more poetry until you have reviewed three or four pieces by other users. Thanks, Brad

watergirlwriter3-- Welcome to the YWS; there seem to be a lot of other "girlwriter"s or "writergirl"s about the site. Maybe you can all start a family! That would be neat. ...

Jack, There's some good writing here. A few suggestions: Consider dropping L11. The point has been made with L10 and L11 adds little. I think the poem gathers force by ...

Removed.

Granted, but you'll be tired all the time and burn-out in the next five years. I wish more people knew how to write poetry...