Incandescence

blackwings_angel: I do mean to be harsh. There must be 10,000 poems on the internet that are indistinguishable from this. The innocent boy/girl who loses his/her closest relatives, the questions ...

Hi there, Sara - Some good stuff here. Consider: black balloons break sin over D-day parades, where we march, skulls on baton heads, bloodshot eyes begging "heavenly light, fall down ...

yoha_ahoy-- I must agree with write_me that as a poem, this is very weak. It would probably generate far more success as lyrics, and I urge you to move it ...

KdancerE: A fine little rhyming ditty. Nothing serious, but a decently lighthearted attempt. I suggest you drop L7 and L8. In L10, drop "that all." Take care, Brad

Cicero-- You obviously put a fair amount of time into typing this and your response. Let me say, though, that even when this poem is polished, this will be a ...

CL-- Just a thought: people come together because they have a common enemy. I share the same taste in nuts as many, many people do; that doesn't mean we have ...

Chandni-- You might have something worth working with here, but the delivery is just terrible. It's a flat and abstract piece with an incoherent jumble of references that only mean ...

Snoinkums-- Fortunately, we are not critics. Critics exist for published work, fortunately enough for us. We are mentors. And this is why I have "repeat[ed] it in sixteen different threads ...

Sureal, A critic's role is not to offer support. It is to point out where a piece needs work and, if the critic so pleases, how that might be accomplished. ...

Grif & lillizard: I was unaware we are also a site for emotional counseling. The site is here for young writers to congregate--this is obvious. What is not so obvious ...

Darkeye-- This is bad prose with linebreaks, and it's really, really bad prose - an adolescent take-off on some sort of soap opera-Lovecraft scene without the imagination or language skills ...

Gabrielle, The only thing nauseating is this stanza. It does not work as a stand-alone nor will it work in conjunction with anything else. Get rid of it. Best, Brad

CL: The problem with this (at least to my ear) can be summed up in a single word - voice. The speaker here presents him (or her, though based on ...

Hi, Elizabeth - I hope not too many potentially useful electrons were sacrificed in the creation of this--an evaluation you appear to share. Do you have anything you'd like to ...

pandoraswritings: All of your recent posts reflect the same error: the narrator finds him or herself excessively interesting. The character you present in this is not anything to sympathize with. ...