Incandescence

iQuippie-- As with the other poems of yours I've read, this is a metaphor that has been drawn out longer than its Carbon-dating allows. In the future, you need to ...

order-- This reads like you somehow botched a trainwreck. The outpouring of images that lead nowhere, the repetition of "desire" (except, for no apparent reason, at the second to last ...

Jack, I like this overall, but certain things keep nagging at the back of my skull. For instance, L3S1 is particularly atrocious with its clunkiness. Dreams being ripped from reality ...

xanthan_gum-- Your ideas are working to provoke an emotion, but they're ultimately gutted and choked by the overmodification that flocks to your stanza's shores. Lines like "I let you fly ...

kristina, If your intent was to bore ("dull, and numb") your readers, then congratulations. Escape the troglodyte temptation of repetition; give up on the machete half-sentences; throw this away. Best

Shasta, This is a good exercise in metered verse and demonstrates a gentle control on syllabic count (though certain lines still irk). After that, however, it fails to deliver anything ...

GingerLizzy-- This is awful. Every stanza lops on another prose recitation of stereotypical descriptors and the subsequent narrative is almost embarrassing to see - cliche follows cliche until the end

When I glimpse the comments made here, I think something needs to be clarified. Too often, particularly devious in American politics, there is an abundance of ignorance about what it ...

Blooregard Q. Kazoo-- 'Sacral' is chosen for its connotations to the sacred, surely, but also to the sacrum, which is, loosely speaking, that area of the vertebrae consistent with the ...

Venus (Fur) obvious reasons...

Cameron-- I found the sustained riposte of sexuality and the diseased body delectable, if not perhaps the slightest bit puritanic. What I might suggest in revisions would consist of (i) ...

melodicatastrophe-- "Catastrophe" is indeed an apt title for this rubbish. Your verse grates at every rhyme with all the grace of a seven-foot three year old. From what else i ...

Removed.

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To wit, they won't be looking for "better"--just "more". The obvious "challenge" East of Eden presents is one of class struggle and tension. Less obvious challenges include questions of identity ...