Incandescence

Amelia: This is nonsense. It's like a story you have randomly deleted sentences from and added carriage-returns to. The prospect of using this form (kind of a surrealist stream-of-conscious approach) ...

Meg, Consider: Cutting L6-L9 and L12-16. What I would like to see, personally, is if you would actually drop all but the images of giving birth to a child and ...

Monument Soul, You might start by asking yourself, "What makes this interesting in a way that might also be interesting to my readers/listeners?" The description here, the personification of fear, ...

bigbadbear-- If I repeat that this ia a bad poem (bad poem) would it change anytthing? (anything, anything...) No, seriously. The problem really is the entire approach, not just the ...

Suzanne-- What we "want" to alleviate our guilt and ill-feelings is not a steady place to be making laws from. Best, Brad

I would be worried if we lived in a country where legal action could be taken against the adults behind the MySpace account. They have just as much of a ...

Lindsaroo, You need more than simple statement of wish and desire for a poem to be effective. Best, Brad

spiritblackwolf2705-- No. This is tired navel-gazing rendered in off-kilter prose. Just for example: how does L1 impose any relationship on L2, or L3 (ad nauseum)? The rhyme of "love" with ...

Mr. Belcourt, Consider: This evening, a bomb exploded in the living room; it left behind a brother named Atom two thousand miles away. As these twins ignited, they succeeded in ...

jwoot14-- The problem is that the "meaning" of this poem has been "grsp"ed about nine hundred times before already--you have produced nothing even slightly new to this topic, instead collapsing ...

In my hometown, a recent city-wide ordinance on public smoking was thrust down its citizens' throats: this new ban--drafted and proposed by a class of sixth grade students who were ...

jwoot14-- Not only is cussing generally frowned upon, it's also explicitly forbidden when directed in a derisive way towards other members. That I and others found your work unappealing is ...

lin night, This is a bunch of navel-gazing that goes nowhere fast. The association to used rags and crooked smiles established in the opening strophe is abandoned almost before it's ...

Ayra, Future attempts should be grounded in reality. More concrete images, less abstract nonsense about puddles of hope and rays of forgiveness. Not a lot to be excited by. Best, ...

Kim... Good God. "Standing on ground that is not sure Crying out even though You’ve been silent for so long" This is enough to make experienced readers vomit. Consider dropping ...