Incandescence

xhalcyonx128-- I see no substantial improvement with the changes you made. The problem still remains that there is not one thing remotely 'poetic' about this: it's prose broken into uneven ...

OverEasy, Why would you even bother posting this if you're aware it's not the best you have to offer? As it is, it's a waste of our time and yours ...

OverEasy, What is this, anyway? It seems like a monologue with so much boring and tired descriptions as to render the whole thing useless. The descriptions the N gives of ...

NocturnalSupremacy92-- Bad ideas: 1. Rhyming incorrectly. 2. The unspecified wanting/hope/desire in S2. 3. All of S3 and S4. 4. Repeating the first line at the end. Good ideas: 1. Forget ...

All that Grif said, and besides, Russian technological stability isn't exactly something to base a decision on given their scientists were amazed at "running water" in the US in the ...

PenguinAttack-- From the bottom... I see no purpose in beating your readers over the head with the fact that you're human in S4. The title does a decent job. As ...

A.b., You meshed a whole bunch of boring ideas into even more boring prose. Just this evening I have seen the freedom/flight comparison at least three times. As for peace ...

abbisnall, No amount of editing will rescue this. S2 is stifled by the machine-gun lines; the repetition of the words "harsh" and "elastic" were unwarranted and displayed a general lack ...

mizz-iceberg, Before working your words into a form such as rhyme, you should first refine your writing to a point that would make formal structure empower it. As it is, ...

xhalcyonx128-- This is all tell and no show. It is the distillation of an idea espoused by many New Age spiritualists and what-not ("The only perfection is imperfection," "Be whoever ...

ScarletMonkey, To my ear, you have constructed a bunch of images placed haphazardly across the page to "support" some grandiose unifying themes of life/decay/time. You could have chosen to take ...

Clockworks, I see what you're doing, and ask: Why? As a descriptive piece, there isn't anything particularly wrong with it (also not anything particularly good about it). As anything more ...

miaow, This is an overdose of emo "sensibility" with less-than-striking rhetoric resolved into a jumbled mess on my computer screen. I see in S3 that the technique that says "shorter ...

Maki-chan, This starts poorly and goes nowhere. Lines like "A love so pure / Being there for each other" are the stuff of parody. The close, with its reference to ...

TwistedTransistor, I'd be only too delighted if the specific suggestions Suzanne made would actually benefit the poem overall. However, no amount of capitalization or linebreaks is enough to wrench th