Incandescence

Hi Cornelius_Quinnsomer, You're painting a moody, disturbing scene with machine-gun lines. It's a lousy mix. The overabundance of adjectives where we got it the first time only reinforce a pedantic/di

Chevy-- This is the best I've seen from you. It indeed is removed from the self, which is the best way to get better. This is 10% luck, 20% skill, ...

aeroman-- I will leave the lbl comments to the above readers and surely the ones to follow. As I read this, though, I had some first impression edits that you're ...

Removed.

Lama, I just stumbled upon this: Apparently the French's idea of good sanctions against a country consist in limiting the luxury items that are imported to it (what are luxury ...

Shafter-- Welcome to the YWS! We're glad to critique things here. I believe a sword is considered a weapon in most public places. Indeed, or at least I've heard, that ...

Siegfried, I think there's promise here, but it doesn't start to show itself until S2. Starting S1 with: Like Romeo and Juliet, Theirs is a window of love, is akin ...

I think this technique becomes slightly more complicated when you are not writing in first-person.

Cameron-- You have produced much better than this--textual gimmicks are below your means. I am not a fan of the explicit references to the Holocaust--I did not care for your ...

Gal, What you are not considering is that any military agression against North Korea would not be unilateral, as it was (largely) with Iraq. While it is true, any war ...

Hi Dream Deep, I saw this after the comments regarding your Nietzsche-based poem, and in my mind this connects that to it. So for all intents, I'll assume you want ...

Guys, In contemplating the remark about being generally abstract, let me throw out one more idea that I've been trying to formulate (and maybe you all can help me with ...

Hi Lexismom, Please try to review two or three of the current pieces on the site before posting one of your own--this is, I think, one of those general guidelines ...

Hi guys, Thanks for taking the time to read & respond. I think you two are having problems seeing the forest for the trees--the most abstract (and indeed only true ...

Lexismom-- Welcome to the Young Writers Society! I hope your experiences here will help you become a better writer. For this reader, your style is the main contention: a rhyme ...