Incandescence

Deleted due to plagiarism. - Nate

nixonblitzen - Not sure when the contest ends or if this will be of much use, but I wanted to point a few things out. The è in "cursèd" is ...

LoveOnTheFringe, There's always a danger with this "Statement" poetry. This danger is particularly acute here because your poem would appear to undermine the very Statement you're making, i.e. how can

Helpful Mchelpfulpants - I was underwhelmed by the ending. If it's meant to be lighthearted, and I think it probably is, then that's not really an issue. If it isn't, ...

goatgirl, As Mars mentioned, the short lines add to the panicky feeling, but that sensation is undercut by the poem's lengthiness. Entire strophes, like the penultimate one, can be axed ...

kudzugenius, I think this poem would be better served in an established form—a sonnet or the like—with a defined syllabic and rhyme scheme. There is certainly enough open-endedness in the ...

Hi, Hannah - The last stanza needs revision. "trapped between your straps" has interesting sonic properties but is clumsy for the syllables. Same with the last line. My Hebrew isn't ...

Gahks, There are some enjambment and word choice issues you need to tend to. The first two lines are evidence of this: it's a prosaic sentence, and the second line ...

marinedancer, This is rather poor. The love/dove rhyme is one of the biggest tip-offs that a work hasn't really been given serious thought. Not to say you didn't think about ...

OE - A solid draft. Cut the ellipses and parentheses and add a strophe break after the first four scars. The ellipses seem like cheap pleas for attention; the parenthetical ...

sugarxsnow - As a description of a ghost, this was mostly fine. (Though I'm not sure ghosts have bones.) As a poem, it could do with serious re-working. Staleness isn't ...

LoveOnTheFringe, You have a good handle on rhyme and meter, but I don't see either of those as productively offering anything to this poem. What it does contribute seems to ...

TheTwilightDog - The subject matter is old: love, especially the unrequited variety, has been a stable source of inspiration for poets through the ages. The presentation of it here, absent ...

Excalibur - It isn't clear to me that Proposition 8 is a defense of religious privacy. "Marriage," whatever else it may be, is a contractual partnership recognized by the federal ...

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