Hopeless-Dreams

hmmm... i think you should give just a little more. the mystery part is good. it snags the reader. Like i want to read on and see what happened. But ...

hhaha okay. anyways i didn't find much wrong. try to make it more detailed though. it almost looks like you have a base for a good preface. try to make ...

thanks! the next chapter wont be out for awhile though. ill put it up as soon as I'm done it.

thanks for the great responses.(Eraqio, and Vannah[Was All She Wrote]) And to Samuel Garrison... i would attempt to write it in third person but... I'm not that great at it. ...

Thanks for your your opinion. I'm Scottish as well, i don't have a Scottish last name though but my clan in the Mathison I'm about 3/4 Scottish and the rest ...