Heidigirl666

I think it only matters that kids have a stable home life. It shouldn't matter if you have a single parent, or two dads, or two mums, so long as ...

I only scanned over this, but one thing I did notice is that it's a little repetative, especially at the beginning. For example, here: Across the ocean, a fire descended ...

Ooh. Weird. :D I was a little puzzled by the migraine thing; I have migraines, my dad has migraines, and I know tonnes of other people with migraines, and they ...

I think twenty one is a ridiculous legal drinking age. So you're legally an adult, can drive, get married, fight in a war, but you can't have a few beers ...

I had a phase where I went changing the fonts every five seconds, and then a phase of doing it in really tiny writing, mostly because then it makes nice ...

Punctuation, punctuation, punctuation. :wink: You particularly need to put a lot of commas in. Remember, as I recently pointed out to someone else, commas are your friend. :wink: They help ...

I thought this was pretty good, but it confused me a little at the end. Have some suggestions too; punctuation is what mostly lets you down: and bright incandescence flashes. ...

I can only say one thing: Infodumping. :shock: Having loads of description and background in one place can get tiresome to say the least. If you want people to know ...

Alternately a writer and a professional bum? :smt043 I liked that, because it's probably what I am too, also depending on my optimism levels. :wink: :D Welcome to YWS! I ...

I liked this. Don't have that many suggestions, but watch out for repetition. For example, here: The Sergeant and his four remaining soldiers all inhaled deeply. With that, the remaining ...

I liked it, characters definitely credible, doesn't need any more. My brain is mushy and I can't think properly and there are only a few things I can think of ...

I'm afraid I only scanned over this, because right away from the beginning it didn't appear to be very well developed. You ramble a lot, and the dialogue isn't very ...

Childhood=good School=bad :D I mean being a kid isn't so bad when you look back on it, and having no real responsibility is good, and not having to worry about ...

To me, that seems to show that this is anything but plagarism, it's almost a salute to the people who originally thought them up. Tell that to the authors who, ...

Play Minesweeper. Or Tetris. Or post on forums. :roll: I've always wanted to know though, is saying the word 'procrastination' a bit of an American thing? In the UK, if ...