Harley

Heh... yeah, sure, whatever you say, Emz.

It's not crap, it just uses some complex sentences. Like, the "there walks a pattern" thingy... it was unclear wether you were using a metaphor (like "there walks a broken ...

OKAY to clear things up: any english writing task that we don't do in jotters is called an essay in our school. this is no exception.

yeah, i get what you mean. thanks.

it IS meant to be fiction... It was a creative writing task, I typed it up, thought I liked it,and since it was a story, decided to post it. I'm ...

thanks. thats sweet.

i agree with emotionless, but it was pretty good

eep, i'm worried. i think this decides what english class i get into next year, and going by all this it aint gonna be a very good one. 8-[

The assignment was to write a story, and i call assignments essays (as do most people in our school). Yes, the last paragraph is a little fairy-tale-ish, i'll admit. thats ...

it's an english essay. we had to choose an emotion and a genre, and write about it, so i couldn't make it too long. The "box thing"... um, it says: ...

I little more emotion and it'll be great. ONE little bitty crit and that's it; Then you cry like a pup A little forced, like it was put in 'cause ...

Ooh Harley like. It's is a wee bitty choppy, but it's cool. I agree with nite on her quote, but there's not really that much wrong with it. :thumb:

Umm... it's not terrible, but it's not really one to be proud of. It's clear that it's your first, and with time you will improve.

It was... cute. No offense but it sounds like an "introduction to biology" thingy for little kids. The ryhming is too forced. I think that the next one you write ...

I agree with Tae, rhyming ruins serious poetry most of the time... She seems to have summed up everything. Practise is vital, it'll take a while before you get the ...