GryphonFledgling

Oh, lovely. The first sounds like me trying to get on today. It just did not want to work for some reason! ;) Delightful. These were quite amusing. I didn't ...

Interesting. You have quite a few neglected capitalization-needing words, especially 'I' a few times. A couple of times, you need to capitalize the "Oh" in "Oh baby". Also, punctuation really ...

Daaang... Timea got to you first. Well, just about everything I was going to point out to you has been caught, so I won't bother repeating it. My big critique ...

Awww, thanks for the nice words, everyone! The main character is actually a guy, despite his apparently sounding like a girl, from all the confusion I am feeling emanating from ...

I've been editing for quite some time, but that is because I am doing major rewriting. I discovered an entirely different avenue for my story to go and I am ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! I must say that I love your avatar. The two last pictures make me laugh every time I see them. I actually sat and watched it ...

I definitely liked the first and fourth the best. They both had such interesting subject matter. The fourth is a bit fuzzy and the reflection didn't do anything for it, ...

I was a bit confused as to what time period this is supposed to be. You mention that Sentri has an ipod. Yet Sataru has a dagger under her pillow. ...

Very nice. I didn't like the instance of caps in the last sentence, however. Perhaps italics would be a better choice. It just looks a bit better, and still does ...

*snickers* I actually thought this was a real story for the first few lines and was ready to tear it to shreds before I realized that it was a joke. ...

Okay, I'm back. Jess and Jason seem to get really close really fast. I mean, I'm a little shy, but I still wouldn't throw my arms around a guy that ...

Interesting concept. I'd like to read more. The paragraph spacing might not be as bad now as it might have been whenever, but you still need to do some spacing ...

Hey there... I didn't realize that this was part II of something and was confused as to why it felt like the continuation of something. I would edit the title ...

Very nice, Mark. Very nice... I'm a little confused by your author's note. You said that we wouldn't have understood this part even if we had read what comes before ...

Interesting, but I must scold you. Underage drinking and smoking is really not good for you! While relatively well written (with the exception of a few spelling errors, see below) ...