GremlinMilkshake

Oh, my gosh! This is the cutest first chapter I've come across so far! I like it soooo much. But, like anyone, there are a few things you could improve ...

Oh, my gosh! This is the cutest first chapter I've come across so far! I like it soooo much. But, like anyone, there are a few things you could improve ...

I'm just speaking for myself, but explaining the whole "wake up, get ready and leave" process is quite boring... I mean, most first chapters are boring, since they're introducing the ...

You wrote "he" a lot. There are better ways to express what is happening. It is much like saying: "I went to the shops today. I had fun. I saw ...

A very interesting point of view. I don't particularly like it, but only because it isn't my style or taste. No big deal, it gets the mind thinking. Social networking ...

Wow...I really liked it! I don't think I like Oliver very much, but it could just be the impression of getting Pascale drunk...but yeah, you've got a pretty amazing story ...