Galerius

Hi LaurynMitchell, This isn't working out. Listen. If you want to portray a "two-sides-to-every-coin" type of poem, then it might be helpful to actually talk about the two sides rather ...

Hi Lil_Pau, I'm going to quote some of the especially nonsensical images in this otherwise "serious" poem. Here we go: breathing in scents of night, starlight and human Voices sang ...

Hi Ray112, One thing you need to realize, and realize fast, is that the same vapid and thoughtless twangy lost-love cliche that works in songs in fact does not work ...

Hi singdawg, Your main problem dwells in the fact that you raise potentially interesting images and then cut them down in adolescence, before they have a chance to actually prove ...

Hi SilentRain, There is something about poetry that you need to know: Mindless repetition, rhyme, and random division of line breaks does not a poem make. Now that we've got ...

Hi tigs6969, You're absolutely correct; this isn't emo junk. It's just plain junk, an ugly concoction of clownishly angry emotions clucking around a cage of poorly constructed imagery - and ...

White foundation, y'all.

Hi Panda326, Is that it? Very well. Allow me to suggest the following, more condensed version of your poem: I can't tell time. I'm angry. If this was what you're ...

Hi Jon, This is one of the worst pieces on the first page of this subforum, and I truly hope that you understand why. Listen. If you want to write ...

Hi White Rabbit, The only part of this worth saving is the fourth line; maybe it's just the way it is worded, but one can imagine several existential conflicts taking ...

Hi persephoneia, The title of this poem aptly describes the feeling of the reader when having to trawl through this unfinished, half-baked mess. Listen to yourself: You realize you can't, ...

Wrong! > : (

Hi bombshellcat, First of all, don't listen to people who whine about punctuation for the sake of punctuation. Granted, there are limits, but poetry should transcend such barriers. Secondly, this ...