Gahks

Hi there from England! Welcome to YWS! :D What are your interests/hobbies etc.? Feel free to PM me if you've got problems. Otherwise, get reviewing and start submitting! See you ...

I love its subtlety and delicacy. I think enjambement would work better rather than the dash: "If you can't see The forest for the fleas?" The entire piece seems symbolic, ...

This is one of the better poems I have read. Well done. The first line has too many full stops. I like the end-stopped sentences in the rest of the ...

That was the first time she knew. Her eyes fluttered open. She reached out to grab the watch on her bedside table, yet as she outstretched her arm, she felt ...

As other reviewers have pointed out, you need to clean up your punctuation. Tbh, I didn't care much for Yuki. As readers, we need to be immediately enchanted by your ...

The first two sentences were definitely the best; they encapsulated the whole piece beautifully. Your writing is very emotional, we can see that, but the passage is finished before the ...

Your ideas are interesting. The story itself, visually, needs a lot more work. Paragraphing would help space out your ideas and make your writing easier to read. The first two ...

This prologue needs action and description . You need to hit the ground running to draw the reader in. At the moment, it feels like padding. Make the characters do ...

Some interesting ideas here. However I feel the poem could benefit from a more regular stanzaic/rhyming structure. One stanza has five lines, the others four. Some of the verses have ...

Hey there, welcome! Start reviewing and then start submitting - it's a simple as that. Friendly welcome wishes, Gahks :D

Yeah, I think so. This is an extraordinary poem. Incredibly rich and subtle. I like the way you subvert the cliche "Then girl met boy." And of course the bitter ...

Hey there! Friendly welcome from Gahks :D It's good to see so many new members coming in already - I'm fairly new. Get reviewing and then you can start submitting ...

Hey there! Welcome! :D I'm Gahks (that's 'garks'). Pleased to meet you. What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you prefer writing particular genres? Hope you ...

This was a gem. You really capture the sense of guilt in the speaker at not having done enough. I liked the crisp, end-stopped clauses and the occasional enjambement was ...

Good morning does sound like a chairman's job. Alas, it ruins the opening. Keep the housekeeping brief and go into your hook. The main problem with your speech is that ...