Formslipper

Hey there! This is an excerpt from a sucky scifi that I wrote a year ago, so don't nitpick or anything like that. Mostly, kids, just enjoy the gruesome hellishness ...

@Jelly, I read it. I realize what you're saying; I'm gonna extend it, perhaps even into two chapters, but we'll see. Any suggestions on what type of descriptions would be ...

I read every little bit of what you said. Everything you've made commented is great, and I'm learning alot from you! Thank you so much for talking about Adara's character- ...

Hey there. To anyone who hasn't first read the Prologue and Chapter one first , do so. This chapter's shorter than the last one because it's purpose is pretty straightforward. ...

I read it. Again, well done! This was a surprising turn of events, and I liked it. From the outset, you developed Michael's character strongly, and everything seemed to click. ...

I read it. This was a major info dump! You should spread out this info across the first couple chapters using dialogue and passive descriptions. I liked the backgroundy feel ...

I read it. The overall plot is great, and your writing is well-developed. However, I can't help but notice the sexual underpinnings of this segment. Is he a rapist or ...

I read it. Everything was good- the setting, the characters. I won't nitpick, because there isn't much to nitpick :) Instead, I'll just give a light criticism. The characters were ...

I read your review. Thanks a lot for that, blacksheep! Every comment you made was helpful and instructive. I'm especially glad that you interpreted the prologue well, catching on to ...

I haven't read it yet. I'm gonna do a first impression sort of thing, then give my general opinion at the end. My Hiro Prologue: He was running out of ...

I read it. Awesome job, Soulkana! The story's definitely taking shape. I could nitpick on this, but I'll leave that for others. Let me just say that there were some ...

I read it. Awesome job once again! Nothing was offensive, though his description of his sibling was a little (very) frisky. Altogether, it's extremely entertaining and I'm beginning to understand ...

I read your review. So much good input! I agree with both you and Grandison that Jonah's love for Adara came way too fast. Also, I do realize the info-dump ...

I read your review, and you gave me a lot to think about. All of your suggestions are great, so I'll take them. Instead of Jonah falling for her now, ...

Holy crud, that's long! Really, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. I'll eventually find a way to split this up.