FlyingDream

I sense a lot of anger here...And that's good. It means that I could relate to your character here and it felt real. Way to go! I only have a ...

Very good. I only found one thing that needed fixing, but the rest was really good. :) “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! Answer my question!” she ...

Much, much, better! Thanks for spacing it out. :) Okay...Now your critique. Oh great....now what will the teachers think of me?" she thought as she skid into the parking lot ...

Yeah, I know what you mean about the details thing. I always go too fast. Thanks for your opinion though! And welcome to the site! (If you're new here. Are ...

PG 13 for minor swearing. Chapter 3: Salem The night was cold so I pulled my cloak around me even tighter. I sprinted across the dirt road to the farmhouse ...

Okay, before I try and read this I think you should space it out a little bit. Big blocks of text scare me away. Try putting spaces in between each ...

I was wondering...How many "said's" should there be in a chapter? I mean, I don't want to say "said" too much, but sometimes I run out of words to replace ...

I liked this because I can soooo relate to it. I only found a few errors. :) I thought about my summer events and all I did was spent great ...

Note: Same as the other chapters. :) Okay, again, the dialogue is kinda messed up (period, commas, etc.) So please help me out with the dialogue! :) But I still ...

Okay, first I suggest you space this out a little bit so it's easier to read. ...that marked the spot where (only visable in the day) a monsterous mansion was ...

Yuck, I know about the dialogue part, I stink at the whole period comma thing. I'm going to look something up that can help me. And I guess I'll add ...

Note: The titles of the chapters will be the names of the characters that are narrating. This is necessary because Trinity is written in the first person. Enjoy! :) Okay, ...

Yeah, Tanslie's a girl. I knew I should have added that in somewhere. :) Anyways, I'm glad you like it, I'll start writing right away. Lol. :lol:

Great so far, but do a LIIIIIIITLE bit more showing and then it'll be great. Also, space out your writing a bit more.

Note: The titles of the chapters will be the name of the character that is narrating. This is necessary because Trinity is written in the 1st person. Enjoy. Okay, I ...