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Re: Awakening
This is great! But a lot of grammatical errors. I agree with Calix... It's a cliché. A lot of big paragraphs in this. You need to break it up. A ...
Jun 30, 2008 -
Re: Secrets In Peril
OK. Lotta grammar mistakes but you can fix that with no problem. You have a narrator. But it's confusing because you switch between both first and third person here: Patrick ...
Jun 30, 2008 -
Re: Mother! Please!
This is great so far! I agree with all of the people above. Add more descriptions. Break up the paragraphs. Add dialogue. Like you said with my CSI story, the ...
Jun 30, 2008 -
Re: Main Attraction
Great! It's a bit confusing especially this part here: But Kate tries to cheer me up, “I’m sure you’ll get them up and out!” The encouragement doesn’t work. It makes ...
Jun 27, 2008 -
Re: My Immortal
Sigh.... All the nitpicking that I can think of is already done. This was great! I loved it but i agree that one section was a huge info dump... That's ...
Jun 21, 2008 -
Re: Highest Degree
Great work! I like how u made it closely related to "To Kill a Mockingbird." I agree that you should cut out that pervert part. It doesn't flow with the ...
Jun 21, 2008 -
Re: Surreal Submission
Great job! I agree with Anonamuse that you mean rough not rogue. Rogue means all what Anonamuse said but also means a kind of make up. I also agree with ...
Jun 21, 2008 -
Re: Chapter 5 of Chasing The Sun (And Last)
I read chapter 3-5. This is the review for all of them. Great writing! But I think that it was a bit too fast. They were just looking at the ...
Jun 16, 2008 -
Re: Chapter Two of Chasing The Sun
Once again, all the mistakes are pointed out. This is great! Normally, I wouldn't really want to read this type of story but you write them really well. Keep it ...
Jun 16, 2008 -
Re: Chasing The Sun (Chapter 1)
A sequel! Why didn't you tell me??? All the mistakes are already pointed out. This is great! Keep up the good work! Alex
Jun 16, 2008 -
Re: Bastards
One part didn't seem to fit into the rest of the story. I spent my empty and boring days highlighting all the lies that God told those poor Jews. I ...
May 15, 2008 -
Re: Ever Happily
Some of this didn't really make sense. And i agree with Imp that some of Claire's talking sounds off. I can't really see anything else. Not bad. Alex
May 15, 2008 -
Re: Chapter 1 of "Thrills of Barcelona"
This is great! I caught something that doesn't seem right... I didn't notice it the first time I read it but... Velma sighed, whipping up a bottle of water and ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Eighth (And LAST) Chapter of Wrong or Right
A few things. We have no idea what the revenge is. You should explain that more. The thing with Eric liking Calix was completely unexpected and I agree with Bear ...
May 11, 2008 -
Re: Chap. 7/Part 2 of Wrong or Right
Even if Calix did have sex with Eric, Chad probably wouldn't care... Because it was a bet in the first place right? So.... Alex
May 11, 2008
