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Hello NerdBurga, Welcome to YWS, I'm Fantasy and I'm the person who has reviewed this work. The stuff in bold is what I've said, okay. She sat in bed, a ...

The drop of blood made my body quiver with excitement, my sensitive nose sensing the warm wetness of the red fluid. I fought the natural instinct to plunge my fangs ...

Wow! This is absolutle fab!! I loved the way this was written. You wrote the actual feelings of how a normal girl who has a crush would react in this ...

North City North City, year of 2072, one of the few places where humans thrive against the demons of the night. Also, the home of the slayers. Werewolf slayers. Demons, ...

Shiro’s Memories I walked down the snow covered path. The pale whiteness giving the world a dead glimpse of the little life winter had in store. Cold flakes of frozen ...

Hello, I've taken into account that you wrote this when you were little. I've posted a story which I had written when I was little, and lets just say....I thought ...

Hello, I've been reading your work so far, and I've only just reached this chapter. I love the story line plot, however, I think that you need to make the ...

The Truth I sighed. I couldn’t accept the bizarre Truth that Rune had told me. I stared out of the window of the building. The sun was shining, leaves waving ...

Thanks, guys! Here's Part 2: ------------------------------------------ There was a long pause again. If it were not for a knock at the door, no one would have been moving. Ellaine answered ...

Whispering winds speak With sweet tones of sorrow Through Autumn leaves Through all the long night Winter moon blows with bright love Sleet her silver tears Weeping clouds up high ...

The pauses are made as its a performance poem. You read it aloud as if in performance; like at a poetry slam ;)

The summary is great. I don't mean to ge repeating things. I'm sorry if I come off as annoying. You don't come off as annoying at all! You're like, the ...

Sweeper? If this is a prolouge, then its the perfect time to explain without being harassed for 'too much details' and whatnot. And, you should explain, or your reader will ...

Wow. I've found another person who writes similar poetry to me. I love this types of poems as they get you thinking about life. Being repetative is fine, but try ...

Lost in Thought Lost in thought, My pen flows. A never ending story, Which a gardener sows. The room, so listless, My mind strives for life. A giggling class, smiling, ...