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*pout* Nate! Hi! *waves frantically* You do look really young, lol... I wouldn't say high school, though. More like early undergrad? Fish >> I want your hat and scarf! ^_^ ...

I believe Lukeman actually supported the idea that, in this process, you should remove some sentence and revamp others, Jacko. ;) And that version is certainly better! I'm glad you ...

Punctuate it, and maybe I'll take a second look. Too often amateur poets underestimate the importance of punctuation in poetry--but it's second only (and a very, very close second) to ...

I agree with everything Whence said, and ignore Sohini's order to capitalize--that's a personal preference, really. I... have nothing more to say. :lol: Whence stole all my comments.

Just a quick note: you really shouldn't be replying to your own poems before someone else--or "bumping" them. It's very, very bad etiquette. The imagery's nice, but rather disconnected. To ...

I agree with what's been said before: bulk it up a bit and add a few more levels, and knowing your skill with words, you'll have a minor masterpiece on ...

It was cute, but the rhythm was rather choppy, and your rhymes are what I would call "bubblegum rhymes"--stuff like "cat/hat," "day/away." Things that everyone can think of at the ...

...This is just a list. You have a few decent images that, with improved wording, could be extrapolated as part of a different poem, but this in its own right... ...

It looks like you followed most of Clau's suggestions--my work here was done before I even got here! :lol: As it is, I'm not a huge fan of the whole ...

Actually, I think the tense shift works here. It's as if someone who had been observing them was relating what they had been doing, and then what they are doing ...

*Sigh.* they say, the grass is greener, on the other side. but the idiot to say that, lied. no matter if your rich, no matter if your poor, you will ...

:lol: I really enjoyed this. I don't have too much to say about the poetic structure--it's kind of incohesive and doesn't really follow a pattern between stanzas--but the messages were ...

Well. It's an improvement. Still cliched, because you're still working from a cliched base idea. Admittedly, the cliches are more creatively worded and better--altogether, a step up, but still a ...

The fact that Americans don't know that there are differences is nothing but sheer laziness. For myself, if it's a common difference, I tend to use the British spelling, just ...

I know you've had those moments. Inspiration strikes--and it strikes with a vengeance. You see colors, shapes, distance, body language, topography; you hear voices and fauna and natural phenomena; you