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  • Lyric Poetry Re: Letter of Designation (Asswhore McOronation)

    O.O Rather angry. This felt too much like a personal rant than poetry, and the imagery, while typically vibrant, was too scattered and haphazard for my tastes. I did, however, ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • General Fiction Short Stories Re: Dream a Little Dream of Me

    I would keep it rated R, actually. Something so disturbing deserves the rating. I mean, the event was disturbing--the story was good. Maybe it's me being an overly emotional New ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Dramatic Poetry Re: MTV Has Made Everyone Crazy

    I agree with Euclidean. Allusions aren't used to say, "Hey! Look at me! I know what's going on!" They should be subtler. Give the reader some credit and make us ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Dramatic Poetry Re: Of Alcoholics and Bittersweet Regret

    Touch-- This, bliss of tactile trust; I can see that with the comma after "this," you're trying to bring that word emphasis--the problem is, it's a very ambiguous word, and ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Dramatic Poetry Re: philia

    At the risk of sounding repetitive--I agree. ^~ There's definitely a place in poetry for telling, but the trick is balancing it out with the showing. Your rhymes are easygoing ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: lost between the cracks

    Euclidean's already covered everything I had to mention, so I'll leave it to a bit of well-deserved praise, which every poet thrives on. ^~ This is truly lovely, Skye. The ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Dramatic Poetry Re: i have no more poetry to give

    First of all--I agree with Colleen in that your linebreaks seem a little arbitrary, and at times do the flow no favors. Speak the lines aloud, paying special attention to ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Summer Solstice

    I agree with Bubbles. Lose the acrostic style and clean up the meaning, and this has potential. Not much more to add, really--though I'll admit, I rather liked the last ...

    Aug 14, 2007
  • Fantasy Short Stories Re: Puddle Hopping, Sketch #1

    Thanks, Imp, Myth, and Twit! And Twit--there was no duel or prompt for this one; they're characters I'm developing for a novel, so I'm using freewrites to really sound out ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Maybe

    Now, I'm all for breaking convention in poetry--as long as there's a good reason for it. If you can coherently explain why you chose not to capitalize any of the ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Love Crush(ed)

    Punctuation, boy! Where's the punctuation? That'll be the lesson for this critique then, I suppose. Why is punctuation in poetry so important? It tells you how to read it! And, ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Kickball With The Cousins

    ...Short with short lines would have been better. This is too long, and trips over itself the whole time. It has the potential to be amusing--but you drown it with ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Who are you?

    It was kind of amusing, and I actually enjoyed the rhyme--which, in this sort of lighthearted piece really can work quite nicely. Usually I'm very anti-rhyme, as it's easy for ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Imposter Dressed In White

    O.o "Beneath eager shears lies a wolf" - ...I'm not sure what you're trying to say. "Eager shears?" Shears are scissors. The wolf under the scissors... well, it's an interesting ...

    Aug 13, 2007
  • Other Poetry Re: Apocalyptic Smile

    Hm. Well. You have some decent imagery. Unfortunately, most of it is far too overblown, and drowned with description. Yes, that's right--imagery does not necessarily require oodles and oodles of ...

    Aug 13, 2007


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